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Hell, he messaged her the other day and asked if what he was wearing was appropriate for a zoom meeting. She thought it was inappropriate and told me as soon as he did, but instead of shutting it down and telling him that - she said "its fine."

Just another example that she doesn’t get it.

She should know this is his way of trying to re-start something. Ask an innocent dumb question. See if you get a response.

No offense but she can’t be that stupid to not see through this nonsense

[This message edited by The1stWife at 10:29 PM, Tuesday, August 19th]

Just another example that she doesn’t get it.

She should know this is his way of trying to re-start something. Ask an innocent dumb question. See if you get a response.

No offense but she can’t be that stupid to not see through this nonsense mad

Oh I know. I saw that the second she showed it to me. As long as she works with him he’s going to keep trying.

Throughout their conversations he kept telling her that what they had was an "also" — that it didn’t replace her marriage but still deserved to live in the real world too. Planting seeds for justifying their relationship. This was him seeing if any of them were still growing.

Is she looking for another job?

Is she looking for another job?

No. Last night she said that she'll have a lot of sadness if she has to do that. Because I don't have any sadness over it?

I take it OM also had to sign some document with HR? It’s hardly one-sided and only SHE had an inappropriate relationship with him.

He’s a SENIOR staff member, right? I guess he KNOWS wearing his Daffy Duck outfit for a customer meeting on ZOOM doesn’t meet company standards. I also guess her role isn’t protocol manager or dress-guard.
In the STRONGEST way I can over a message like this I encourage YOU to contact the company HR and be very loud about how he is STILL contacting your wife about what is basically non-work related personal issues. Be very insistent that you expect THEM to protect her from ongoing harassment from a senior employee, and that if they can’t and if they DARE take this out on her then the next call will be from your lawyer.

Best case – it get’s him off her back. Worst case – she get’s fired. So it’s win-win for you anyways.
(BTW – they won’t fire her because that will open a plethora of legal issues for them. It’s more likely that one of them will get exceptional recommendations in order to find a new job, and some golden parachute to escape in)

I take it OM also had to sign some document with HR? It’s hardly one-sided and only SHE had an inappropriate relationship with him.

He’s a SENIOR staff member, right? I guess he KNOWS wearing his Daffy Duck outfit for a customer meeting on ZOOM doesn’t meet company standards. I also guess her role isn’t protocol manager or dress-guard.
In the STRONGEST way I can over a message like this I encourage YOU to contact the company HR and be very loud about how he is STILL contacting your wife about what is basically non-work related personal issues. Be very insistent that you expect THEM to protect her from ongoing harassment from a senior employee, and that if they can’t and if they DARE take this out on her then the next call will be from your lawyer.

Best case – it get’s him off her back. Worst case – she get’s fired. So it’s win-win for you anyways.
(BTW – they won’t fire her because that will open a plethora of legal issues for them. It’s more likely that one of them will get exceptional recommendations in order to find a new job, and some golden parachute to escape in)

Yes, he had to sign the same agreement. However, there have been a few messages from both sides that are technically non work related. He asked in a group meeting about what shoe companies people recommend, and she DM'd him a link to one.

The office got burgers for lunch and she let him know via DM that the lunch had arrived.

I've already talked to her about both of those, but if I went to their HR about him not honoring it, they would say she hasn't either.

Your wife still does not seem to understand the damage her betrayal has done. The messages as innocent as they are are continued communication with a man she had an affair with. No contact means NO CONTACT. He could have found out about a shoe store from someone else. Someone else could have told him lunch had arrived but she jumped right in there instead and messaged him. She would sad to leave her job? Does she not understand how sad you are that she had an affair? I don’t think she is remorseful at all. If she was she would go out of her way to avoid communicating with him and she would have quit her job immediately without you needing to ask. I know you want to reconcile but that’s can’t happen with someone who is not really remorseful. You’ll rugsweep this with no consequences for her and she’ll either do it again with someone else or she will restart with this same guy but next time it will become physical. Sorry, but if you really want to save your marriage she needs to show you that she is remorseful and willing to do whatever necessary to save your marriage and she isn’t doing any of the work right now.